I love board games. Board gamers, on the other hand, are a different story.
You can tell a lot about people by the way the act during a board game. Through a lengthy, life-long study of such actions, I have found the following personality types. There is a 100% correlation between the gamer’s actions and the gamer’s true personality, with a 3.5 Standard Deviation.
Want to know if your girlfriend is good enough to marry? Does she kick ass in the Game of Life?
Want to know if your roommate is robbing you? Does he always seem to have a shitload of cash when he’s the banker?
Want to know if your kid will end up being a sociopathic mass murderer? Does he always know it’s Colonel Mustard in the Conservatory with the Knife??? BEWARE!
Okay, so maybe I’m just jumping to conclusions here, but watch out for the following types of board gamers. It might be indicative of something else… just sayin’.
We all know the cheat. They peek at your cards, take extra money from the bank, and perform the old swapperoo in order to win. Though often caught, these people don’t see what’s wrong with cheating and insist it’s “part of the game.” They ruin the integrity of the game and are not to be trusted. Ever.
Ah, the stickler. I’m the type of person who thinks rules are there for a reason. However, the stickler is someone that follow rules to the point of exhaustion, never showing empathy to the poor sucker who’s just having a bad day. The “rules are rules” mentality can only go so far, and these people turn out to be a lot less fun and exciting than you would hope. You might want to rethink asking a stickler to help you break into a pool or sneak food into the movies, unless you like to be sorely disappointed.
The Shot of Espresso
There’s always that person that gets way too excited by the game. I’m like this. I yell loudly during charades, shriek when I think I know where your destroyer is, and can’t sit still if I’m in jail. People like me are good in small doses, as no one can handle shot after shot of caffeine. We’re the ones that automatically ask “want to play again?” regardless of the time of night or how pissed off people look. Make sure to let us down gently; telling us you don’t want to play another game is equivalent to kicking a baby in the face.
I secretly like you. I am one of those people that think real highly of intelligent people. Good for you. You’re smart. You and I will get along as long as we are on the same team. These are the people who are worthy opponents in life, as they are cunning, knowledgeable, and brainy. Recruit them now as friends before they turn into your competition, if not for any other reason than a mobile shout out when you finally get on Cash Cab!
The Crybaby turned Apathetic Asshole
Ugh. This guy. Now, I understand that board games aren’t for everyone. Some (weird) people just don’t like them. But this is the guy that loves board games only if he wins. If not, he starts whining about not having the right cards or rolling shitty dice outcomes. Then he claims he doesn’t care about the game, starts watching TV or playing with his iPhone, and then quits halfway through. This guy is only interested in making himself happy, and the negativity can ruin an entire game. Beware of people like this, as they have tendencies to ruin camping trips, road trips, and birthdays.
So which one are you? And what other board game personalities am I missing? Let me know by leaving a comment below!
Yu Live, Yu Learn
Photos from here