Bro Tank Missing; Owner Mourns Loss

(Seattle, WA) A 911 call was placed on the 3600 block of Whitman Ave North early yesterday morning that alerted residents of a high profile felony theft that shocked the neighborhood of Fremont. As the crowd gathered, a distraught man, in his mid twenties, is found crying on the sidewalk.

He stares at the sky, and proclaims upwards, speaking to a higher being, perhaps.

“Why??!” he belts, then running indoors to hide from the crowd that has gathered outside. Murmurs grow, as bystanders wonder what has happened that has caused the one lane Avenue to be blocked by Seattle PD, SWAT, MI-6, and the Department of Homeland Security. Even the sassy nighttime security guard at nearby B.F. Day Elementary School, Shoshanna, is found in the crowd. After being briefed on the situation, she remarks, “This is the worst crime I’ve seen in months. I don’t know how anyone can rebound from this.”

The victim, Alex Yu, also known as “Seattle’s Finest Bro” is calmer, but not completely stable, after 36 hours of psychological counseling.

“He was my best friend,” Yu mourned, as he tossed hangers left and right in a final attempt to look for it.

The scene of the crime is one of a housekeeper’s nightmare. Clothes are everywhere. Travel gadgets, empty luggage, and discarded trash is strewn across the room. One can sense the tragedies that have taken place, as if essence of the tank-in-question was still in the air, if not just ever so slightly.

This is not the first time a crime had been committed on the premises. Just two days ago, a canine criminal, only known to the underground community as “Roddick,” was found defacing travel equipment, a Kenneth Cole carry-on. A haz-mat team was called to the scene early Saturday morning, and the area was cleaned of residual “marking urine.” Officials have declared the case an act of passion, and does not see this as a repeat offender.

Roddick is not a prime suspect for the theft, but no one has been ruled out indefinitely. A Missing Brotank Report was filed as soon as Seattle PD arrived to the scene. These MBR’s have a high percentage of RTO, or return to owner, but only if reported immediately. 80% of all missing Brotanks are found, typically in the laundry or under the bed within a 48 hour window. Outside of that, both probably and hope dwindles to a measly 3% RTO.

Authorities are asking for all residents of Seattle to be on high alert for a medium blue Quicksilver Brotank. Medium in size, the Brotank has always known to be gregarious in nature, kind-hearted, and always willing to help a Bro in need. A picture of the last known whereabouts are shown below. Any information leading to the possible safe return of the Brotank should be reported immediately.

The missing Brotank has been gone for 24 hours. Please alert authorities for any known whereabouts of said Brotank.

The missing Brotank has been gone for 24 hours. Please alert authorities for any known whereabouts of said Brotank.

A candlelight vigil will be held on October 15th, when the owner gets back after fleeing the country in disdain.

Yu Live, Yu Learn